Loving Myself
All kinds of things start to unfold when I love myself. What does it mean to love myself? I take impeccable care of my body, eat the very best quality foods I can buy, I exercise.
I have learned that loving myself is more than self-care. Self care is important and is certainly a way to express deep caring for myself. Although, my motivation until recently to care for myself has been out of fear. Some of my closest family members were not well mentally and physically. I grew up watching them suffer, and that motivated me to eat well and exercise, but it also left me with a lot of fear and paranoia around my own physical and mental well being.
I have been very aware of my fears and anxieties about my health for many years. Recently I addressed my fears by doing an internal process of exploration to uncover on a deeper level what parts of me were holding this fear. I was surprised and shocked to discover that my infant self was terrified that she would not survive. She believed she was not safe and couldn't take care of herself which was absolutely true at the time. After my birth, I was kept in the hospital for 10 days because I had dropped too much weight. In 1955, they didn't know how important it was for a baby to be held, breast fed or fed on demand. My infant self was not sure if she was going to be fed or cared for at all. There was no bonding with my mother either. Also, my mother was older and was upset about having another child at the time.
The night I discovered my infant self full of terror, I was able to hold her, be the nurturing presence for her and assure her that I am here with her, and I am taking care of her...she is safe. She cried in my arms for a long time that night and for several days I was acutely aware of holding her. When I would eat, I felt that I was feeding her.
This work was a transforming experience for me. Lots of things in my life began to change. I felt a deep sense of comfort and safety within myself. My relationship with food began to change. I've always been a compulsive overeater. t has gotten much better over the years as I've learned to feel my feeling more. After this work I am feeling the urge to overeat, but not acting upon it. In fact, most of the time now I under eat, meaning that I just eat enough to feed myself what my body wants. I guess I'm not using food to comfort myself because I am comforting myself in a different way.
Every morning I make myself available to my inner selves, or inner children. Usually who shows up are my infant self who is really thriving and doing very well, my 7 year old self who wears micky mouse ears and has buck teeth...still a cutie! My 10-11 year old who was the one holding lots of pain and fear around the family illnesses, and was overweight due to the compulsive eating pattern to comfort herself, as well as the 13 year old who saw her Dad in the hospital for operations and mental illness. My 16 year old self shows up who was rebelling by having sex with her boyfriend and is angry, and my 18 year old who got married, and my 22 year old self who got divorced.
They all show up to greet me. And usually one or two of them have something they want to share with me. It is amazing what they are holding, and now they have an outlet. Now they have an empathetic ear, a caring and loving presence to help them work out the feelings and false beliefs that they created out of their level of development.
When I love myself on a deep level, then I become present to myself and to others. I have noticed that my hands have a healing energy. I've actually noticed this for years, as I used to be a massage therapist. But now, since I have made the commitment to be available to my inner children and to my higher self on a daily basis, my abilities to have healing energy in my hands is stronger and my intuitive abilities are more acute and present. I am more joyful and life is more fun and amazing. I'm seeing the miracle that life is and I am appreciating the great mystery that life is!
If you would like to do this process with your younger child parts I am available to guide you. Contact me, Lynne Arial at (512) 831-4856 or lynnearial@yahoo.com